Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Mothers Day Gift: Solved. You're Welcome.


This blog post is for real, y'all.. 

The nerds over at NerdWallet are having a "Best Mothers Day Gifts Under $25" contest and I'm entering TWO (2) of past Mothers Day gifts I've made for my mom that cost NOTHING but really mean a lot. 

I'm talking about gifts I've given as an adult, not like the clay worm I made when I was eight or the "Help Around the House coupon book" when I was 13. (Brilliant little f*ckers, aren't we? Adorable gift, never had to actually do the work. Wouldn't that be great though if all the moms who got "coupons" were like, "Yo. Leaf Raking. I have a coupon.")

OK, Gift #1: "Thank You" book. 

Quite simply, a homemade "book" (I made mine like 5" x 4") filled with memories, big and small, serious and funny, that you'd like to thank your mom for. Think back to your childhood, your summers, your school days, college, your wedding day.... Mine went something like this:

Thank you for teaching us to make blackberry jam on Block Island.
Thank you for The Beatles.
Thank you for letting me stay home "sick" when you knew I wasn't.
Thank you for writing "Santa" in special handwriting.
Thank you for taking us to church, even though you didn't want to go.
Thank you for the homemade indian costumes.
Thank you for taking us into NYC to expose us to art museums and broadway.
Thank you for letting us have pet rats when it repulsed you.
Thank you for driving all over New England with me to visit colleges.
Thank you for saying the choice was ultimately up to me.
Thank you for not judging when I showed up at your house crying about the guy you never liked.
Thank you for being by my side for every sickness, surgery and childbirth.
Thank you for your carefree attitude toward life, which became mine, and while there are some who would argue, it's my best quality. :)


And Gift #2 is a homemade video from One True Media - Also FREE... that simply requires your favorite photos, a song of your choice and some time to put it all together. Here's the one I made for my mom:

Posted by HappyHourSue at 12:11 PM 4 comments Links to this post

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Kindles Are For Porn


Ladies! Let's talk smut.

OK, so by now we've all read the entire Fifty Shades Trilogy , freaked out our husbands/significant others with our jump-started libidos, dropped out of Book Club, and are looking around for our next fix like "NOW what." (husbands/significant others: "Yeah! NOW what.")

Fifty Shades is a gateway drug, my friends. There is a whole universe of competent-to-poorly written erotica out there, waiting to be consumed, like thousands of little dime bags, but with more ripped biceps and heavy breathing. 

However: Just as the alcoholic needs the paper bag, you can't go broadcasting at the travel soccer games that you're reading His Forbidden Submissive, or Beg For It .

You, my friend, need a Kindle .

The Kindle e-books are cheaper than regular books, and you just download them straight from Amazon. No embarrassing book store checkout, no hiding the books from the family (and yes, there is a pass lock, 4 characters, I suggest P-O-R-N).

So below I've listed some of my faves, highly recommended.

And final tip: When someone notices your Kindle and asks "What are you reading?" your answer is this:

"Oh- it's 'Proof of Heaven' - it's a true story of a well-respected neurosurgeon who recounts his near-death experience while in a coma. It's on The New York Times Bestsellers List. It's really interesting."

See? Look at you- intellectual, spiritual, open-minded.

And horny. Let's not forget horny.









Posted by HappyHourSue at 2:26 PM 6 comments Links to this post

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Amazon So Doesn't Care About My Writer's Block




















Holy mother.

I TOTALLY forgot my blog was available on Kindle and Amazon was CHARGING .99 cents for it.

Apparently, they've been sending out apology emails to subscribers and offering them their money back. And booted me out of the Amazon Kindle family of offerings.

Awkward.

But guess what. I got a job. (!!!!!!!)  I know. I'm totally an executive right now. No, I'm not...but I wear heels and lipgloss and curse at people while I'm driving. So same thing.

Here's what I've learned my first week:

Things to Say When You're Getting Coffee to-go in the Morning at the Wawa:

 "Another day, another dollar.."

"Is it Friday yet? hahahahaha"

"Workin' hard? Or hardly workin'?"

"Take this job and shove it - Am I right?"

"Are you gonna finish that pretzel?"



Things That Have Not Changed Since I Last Worked in 1997

 Adding smiley faces or hearts to your "possession labels" in the office fridge so you don't seem like a selfish OCD bitch.

Minimum of 6 trial-and-error passes to figure out a double sided copy.

Do we, or do we not, get Columbus Day off.



Things I Have No Time For Now That I Work

Texting

Visiting my own Facebook page

Anybody else's laundry besides mine

Front step decoration and maintenance:
















"Back off, I'm workin' for The Man."
Posted by HappyHourSue at 10:30 PM 14 comments Links to this post
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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Harry Potter Recap. Sort Of.










My account of the entire Harry Potter series... don't hold me to this. I don't really pay attention.

So. There are 23 Harry Potter books that were made into 18 movies. J.K. Rowling wrote them all on a napkin while she was on the Amtrak. All the movie titles are called "Harry Potter and..." except the 15th one, "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief."

Ok. Basically, if you're a wizard you go to a special school because you're weird and you'd be bullied at public school, and probably turn someone into a burrito and then the school would get sued.

The main thing you need to know is that Harry should totally be with Hermoine but for some random reason she ends up with Ron, who's a ginger, so that doesn't even make sense.

The Bad Guy's named Valdemort and even though he has a snake nose, I've seen scarier.

Um....there are lots of potions/owls/candles/snakes/goblins and spiders.

Everybody defends themselves with wands. I don't really know why they don't use their wands to conjure up guns, I think that'd be more useful against giant spider attacks.

Harry is the only person with a normal name, and that is why he is the most powerful. Everybody else is named like Hingus Puddingfoot.

There is a good amount of running.

The greatest mystery is why nobody is talkin' about THIS dude, who was smokin' hot.


OK, maybe that's related to my lingering Adam Ant crush.





*****SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!******


Harry lives, Voldemort dies.

If I missed something, leave a comment.

Posted by HappyHourSue at 3:28 PM 35 comments Links to this post
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Monday, May 23, 2011

Rapture a Success!














Well this is awkward.

Sorry you all didn't make it this go-round....this is not the turnout we were expecting.

I'm lookin' at a lotta uneaten Chex Mix and Propel.

But I figure as long as they have wifi up here I can still blog and give you a little "insider information".


THINGS YOU FIND OUT IN HEAVEN:

• all the missing socks are here. They were too good for that world.

• Yes, there is a totally separate bug heaven.

• They're still working on fixing hail.

• Satan and the DMV have had a longstanding partnership, as suspected.

• Hundreds of thousands of people have died from mixing soda and Pop Rocks.

• Michael Jackson? not here.

 and finally....

• Yes, He sees everything you do.
Yes, even that.
 No, he doesn't think you're a pervert.
Except that one time.
You might wanna lay off that.
Posted by HappyHourSue at 10:19 AM 17 comments Links to this post
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Thursday, April 14, 2011

LOL I Almost Took An Anti-Nuclear Radiation Pill Instead of a Multivitamin













That was funny.

We've all done it, we've all done it, I know :)

So, yeah, my armageddon kit is coming together nicely... thanks for asking...and it's kinda nice not having a DEADLINE ...Hello ...Y2K.. hahaha... that was a lotta pressure.

and embarrassing.

But you know what? It was good practice...I discovered some very interesting websites. And learned a lot of things.

Namely, all you really need to survive in a post-apocalyptic world is sprouts.







True. And a gun.

Sprouts, a gun and probably some vodka.

I might've made that last one up.

So here's a picture of what I have so far...I know, no gun...but the empty bottles double as weapons.




Posted by HappyHourSue at 4:04 PM 6 comments Links to this post
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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh, SkyMall...Why Didn't I Think Of That.

(Editor's note: Yes-I'm pretending that I haven't had writer's block for 3 months...just go with it.)


So we all know that I hate flying.....what with all the crashing and the dying and whatnot.

And it's super-awesome that besides having to worry about engine trouble and de-icing the wings and electrical failure and hijacking (remember hijacking? Like, regular....take-us-to-Cuba hijacking?) I now have to add underwear bombers and birds to the list.

(Birds? Really? What kind of dumb-ass flock of birds gets sucked into a plane engine.)

Anyway. There is one awesome thing about planes..aside from how crazy-cute Captain Morgan looks in mini size....


SkyMall Magazine.

Seriously, I think I need to look into a subscription...because I don't fly that often...and how could I sleep at night knowing I might be missing out on products like



SkyRest




















Steak monogrammer,
(available in any combination
of letters or just "D-BAG")









"Garden Yeti"












Garden Zombie











"Napping flat on your face" pillow









Stress relieving head massager.
Literally says "use it at your desk at work".











Because in this economy your job is totally safe if you're rockin' a space helmet.
Posted by HappyHourSue at 9:29 PM 19 comments Links to this post

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Blame Facebook


























I know I haven't blogged in a bajillion years and I'm trying to find something to blame it on like the lunar eclipse or MRSA or Obamacare... but the truth is...

I'm on Facebook every day. So every thought that should've gone here...has gone there.


My bad.

Therefore, in the tradition of Twitter Recap, I give you: Facebook Recap.






Review of "Dear John": With any other actor on the planet besides Channing Tatum, skip it. With Channing Tatum, riveting.

February 13, 2010 at 4:51pm  ·  · 




Potato chips and wine: It's what's for dinner.

December 7, 2010 at 5:47pm  ·  · 



Facebook: Where the crap goes that's not long enough to make a blog post.
Posted by HappyHourSue at 8:52 PM 15 comments Links to this post
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