I Blame Facebook

I know I haven't blogged in a bajillion years and I'm trying to find something to blame it on like the lunar eclipse or MRSA or Obamacare... but the truth is...

I'm on Facebook every day. So every thought that should've gone here...has gone there.


My bad.

Therefore, in the tradition of Twitter Recap, I give you: Facebook Recap.

Review of "Dear John": With any other actor on the planet besides Channing Tatum, skip it. With Channing Tatum, riveting.

February 13, 2010 at 4:51pm  ·  · Comment

Found out this morning that my 9 y.o daughter was up til midnight, in a cardboard box, on a laptop, whitening celebrities' teeth with photo software. I will say that Daniel Radcliff looks infinitely better.

April 9, 2010 at 9:38am  ·  · Comment

Why I love the new VH1 dating show "What Chilli Wants": Requirements: tall, handsome, great body, no more than 2 babymamas.

April 12, 2010 at 1:02pm  ·  · Comment

 I need a 'dislike" button for the fact that they replaced the "become a fan" button" with a "like" button. Also - I need a button to become a fan of everything I just said.

April 21, 2010 at 6:56pm  ·  · Comment

Drank a beer today for the first time since I was 15. With pizza. While bowling. WTF.

June 10, 2010 at 9:33pm  ·  · Comment

My review of "Inception": Um....what?

July 31, 2010 at 11:57pm  ·  · Comment

really? we have to have the game on in the family room AND the kitchen? It's not like it's the TrueBlood Season Finale....which starts in 3 hours, 2 minutes and 24 seconds.

September 12, 2010 at 5:58pm  ·  · Comment

‎(loudspeaker throughout middle school open house last nite): "Someone left a set of car keys in room 202.." Everyone else: "idiot". me: "dammit."

September 17, 2010 at 6:25pm  ·  · Comment

 First day volunteering in the library has taught me this: Sometimes Life is the super-fun scanning gun, and sometimes it's re-shelving using the dewey decimal system.

September 21, 2010 at 3:41pm  ·  · Comment

 Ebay really should provide you with a photo and email of the person who outbid you. So you could spend the rest of the day harassing them.

September 22, 2010 at 12:55pm  ·  · Comment

 ‎10 year old daughter's slumber party tonite..... Bieber Fever in the hiz-ouse.

September 24, 2010 at 11:41am  ·  · Comment

 No stink bugs today...........I sense they're plotting something.

September 26, 2010 at 3:14pm  ·  · Comment

 Crap. Put on one of my daughter's fake tattoos just for the hell of it....Now I want a real one.

September 28, 2010 at 3:27pm  ·  · Comment

 It's getting a little unnerving how accurate Facebook is getting with the customized ads. Right now I've got Crossfit, makeup, Twilight and Belvedere vodka. Stop stalking me, Facebook.

October 1, 2010 at 5:37pm  ·  · Comment

13 year old: "What* is* 'rocket science'?" Me: "All the science involved in getting a rocket into space..like physics, engineering, math.." Her: "I thought you just pressed a button and the fire came out."

October 5, 2010 at 10:03am  ·  · Comment

 Saint Anthony totally just found my favorite black hoodie. I feel like I need to offer a sacrifice I'm so excited.

October 5, 2010 at 5:08pm  ·  · Comment

Maybe saints don't take sacrifices. A fruit basket.

October 5, 2010 at 5:11pm  ·  · Comment

 Is it profiling to not accept a Linked In invite from Mongezi Mtati of South Africa? I'm pretty sure we're not "past colleagues".

October 13, 2010 at 2:35pm  ·  · Comment

Just saw a well-dressed 60 year old woman in the grocery store grab some grapes, pop em in her mouth and keep walking. Really????

October 18, 2010 at 3:34pm  ·  · Comment

Just got an email from TheirToys.com wanting me to 'review" a sex toy on my blog. Payment? I get to "keep the product". What- as opposed to the alternative?

October 18, 2010 at 6:46pm  ·  · Comment

 Sometimes you just have to ask yourself: W.W.J.J.D.?
What would Joan Jett do.

October 19, 2010 at 11:14am  ·  · Comment

 Please tell me why i have to spend an hour on a hayride out to a field of mutant pumpkins when there's perfectly good ones at Super Fresh.

October 24, 2010 at 10:04am  ·  · Comment

 ‎"Sucks to be You" award: Hiccup Girl's cellmate.

October 25, 2010 at 11:18am  ·  · Comment

No lie: the deli guy just asked why i haven't blogged in so long. I don't need this kind of pressure.

October 28, 2010 at 6:21pm  ·  · Comment

‎18 year old stepson: "Dude, I'd cut off an arm to be married to Megan Fox."
18 year old friend: "Dude..I'd cut off both arms."
Me: "What's the point of being married to Megan Fox if you have no arms."

October 29, 2010 at 6:58am  ·  · Comment

10 year old: "Mom - A girl said a bad word in my class today..."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yeah - she said D.-O.-O.-S.-H."

October 30, 2010 at 10:54am  ·  · Comment

‎10 year old: "My teacher gave me a C+ cuz i didn't label my graphs."
Me: "Well THAT'S anal..."
Teen: "I thought 'anal' meant your bellybutton."
Me: "That's 'navel'"
10 year old: "What's 'anal??'"
Me: "Your butthole."
10 year old: "Real mature, Mom."

November 4, 2010 at 6:01pm  ·  · Comment

Know what I'm NOT doing right now? Gettin' my Black Ops on.

November 9, 2010 at 5:18pm  ·  · Comment

Bored. So I just friend requested 16 other Sue Wilkeys. This should be interesting.

November 11, 2010 at 7:35pm  ·  · Comment

YES!!!! 3 Sue Wilkeys have confirmed my friend request so far....we are going to take over the world.

November 12, 2010 at 5:17pm  ·  · Comment

**happy sigh** The Giant Schnauzer is at the groomer for the whole day - maybe 2. This is how the cast of Jersey Shore felt when Angelina left.

November 15, 2010 at 2:17pm  ·  · Comment

Just finished watching "Charlie St. Cloud" with my daughters. In retrospect, "holy crap" was not the proper outburst when Zac Efron takes his shirt off to rescue the girl.

November 19, 2010 at 11:17pm  ·  · Comment

just had to explain to my daughter the difference between "keepsake" "cheapskate" and "cheesesteak".

November 22, 2010 at 1:10pm  ·  · Comment

Pharmacist just asked me to sign for Aleve Cold & Sinus.
Her: "It says you promise not to make this into meth amphetamine."
Me: "Like I have that kind of time."
Her:"Please sign ma'am."

November 28, 2010 at 4:19pm  ·  · Comment

Probably my favorite part of the holiday season is that the UPS guys start running.

December 1, 2010 at 9:27am  ·  · Comment

Just put away the air mattresses from Thanksgiving guests. Also - learned air mattress "is not a life saving device".

December 5, 2010 at 12:42pm  ·  · Comment

Potato chips and wine: It's what's for dinner.

December 7, 2010 at 5:47pm  ·  · Comment

 I don't know which is worse: the Santa talk or the Sex talk. Both equally horrifying.

December 12, 2010 at 10:20am  ·  · Comment

Number of minutes spent shopping at Borders: 65
Number of items carried around: 11
Number of minutes spent in line: 15
Number of credit cards in wallet: 0
FML.

December 20, 2010 at 3:44pm  ·  · Comment

 Ummmm... Santa is so efficient Santa has forgotten where he hid the presents. Really, don't leave me in charge of this stuff.

December 21, 2010 at 10:51am  ·  · Comment

If my true love gave me the 12 Days of Christmas gifts, I'd be all: "Why all the birds?"

December 25, 2010 at 3:20pm  ·  · Comment

Thinkin I'm gonna live 2011 off the grid.

January 2 at 8:03pm  ·  · Comment

Another Great Moment in Parenting....blasted the original version of Cee lo's "F*ck You' in the kitchen last night. "Forget You" just doesn't cut it.

January 4 at 1:42pm  ·  · Comment

 Into Day 3 of pretending I don't know the hamster escaped.

January 5 at 3:20pm  ·  · Comment

Facebook: Where the crap goes that's not long enough to make a blog post.